The "Monster" or Reincarnation.

I’d like to begin with a story.

Long ago, back in a time before civilization as we know it, there was a young boy and his tribe. Intrigued in the secrets of life, and the wisdom to be found in the world, the boy became apprentice to the Tribe’s shaman. As the boy grew older, he grew strong and handsome, wise beyond his years. The girls of the village noticed. Now no longer the lone source of spiritual wisdom, the lecherous Shaman grew envious of his apprentice.

One night, the Apprentice stood watch over the tribe’s cattle, but he soon grew weary and nodded off to sleep. When he awoke, one of the tribes precious cattle had been mauled to death by wild beasts. The Chieftan was furious. The Shaman, however, realized this was his opportunity to regain favor. He whispered in the Chieftan’s ear, telling cautionary tales of the Apprentice’s hubris and growing pride. When illness began to strike, the Shaman announced this was divine punishment for the Boy’s arrogance. He thought he was above his sacred responsibilities, and for letting the tribe’s cattle die, he must die in turn to appease the gods. The boy pleaded his case, it was one mistake. He worked hard, he aided the sick, he helped as best he could. But the Chief had been forewarned that the Boy would use trickery to try and save himself. Tied to a stake, the young apprentice was sacrificed. A knife to the heart, wielded by his mentor. The Shaman was once again the sole dispenser of wisdom to the young women of the tribe.

Years, passed and the Shaman passed away. The wheel of time turned. The boy was reborn and though he carried no memories of his past life, he still bore the wounds of betrayal. The Shaman was reborn, as well. And again they met and clashed. Again they perished. Again they were reborn. Lifetime after lifetime, their rivalry continued. The Boy always bearing his hurt, the Shaman always bearing his envy.

The end.

This is a story that has been relayed to me more times than I’d care to hear by an individual close to me. This is the story of their past lives. The shaman is the ever-recurring monster to this individual. The most recent incarnation of the Shaman was their manager at their part-time job at Lowe’s.

Ayup. Their soul-nemesis is their manager at the part-time job they had for a 2 year chunk of their life. Soul-nemesis.

To be perfectly clear, I think it’s a load of horseshit. I think this person has clung to the idea of Reincarnation, and uses this story to enable their self-victimizing habits. In the course of my knowing this individual, the Shaman has taken the form of more than one person, which seems rather impossible, but what do I know about reincarnation. Anyways, when reading the Artist’s Way and upon being asked to search for my own “monster” I couldn’t help but think of this example of someone heeding that advice.

Be wary of enabling your own bad habits

Now, were I to counsel a younger peer, I would advise to approach things on a technical level. There is no abstract concept that cannot be broken down into some sort of underlying mechanical system, excepting willful abstruseness.  We can address emoting and expressing emotion in acting. What are you trying to convey? How are you attempting to convey it?

Emotions have their mechanics. Character is angry. Character is angry because X happened. No, Character is angry because Character feels Y, Character feels Y because X happened. A large portion of the classes and training we take is to give us a vocabulary to address the mechanics of an abstract artform. Are you holding tension? Where? How does that effect your physicality? In turn how does that effect your portrayal of that character. This line of thinking is easy to turn into a series of hypotheticals and tangents, which really don’t address anything. Be diagnostic. Try to divide what you perceive. Personally I try to think of acting in three realms. Physical, Vocal, Internal. Start gauging what qualities affect you. Which is stronger, the whisper or the scream? Is spatial tension maintained, or is it lost? Are the motions arbitrary? The stage and screen is a contained universe, and follows similar laws of physics. All objects have a gravitational pull towards other objects.

Sense of Victory: A call to action.

Anger has been a dynamic force in my life, but I'd like to discuss how I try to use it as a positive force.

Let's begin,
My thoughts jump to a concept I call Sense of Victory(SoV). This is the process of finding victorious moments in day to day life. I'd like to think it sounds self-explanatory, but to be safely redundant here are some examples: Did you get a chore done? That's a victory. Finish Your homework? Winning. Wrote that screenplay that will propel you to fame and fortune and stardom? No one's buying that, but congratulations, victory! Etc.
In essence SoV is a motivational tool, an adjustment to your thinking that works by choosing to wage battles against yourself. Part of its design is an aggressive mentality, you must willingly choose your battles. Just like you miss every shot you don't take, you lose every battle unfought. To that extent there is a degree of fueling anger required for SoV's effectiveness. You need to ask what do I not want to happen? What do I consider a personal loss? What set of circumstances that may come to pass, downright offends you by it's existence?

How I came to develop SoV,
I tend to be pretty open about my personal struggles with depression. SoV came about primarily as a tool to combat this. Often in depressive episodes, apathy becomes overpowering. The pleasures you may derive from various things wane. Motivation and desire to accomplish tasks goes zip, because there is no satisfaction to be found in their completion. This becomes the natural default state. Thus there comes a need to make an active and conscious choice to resist this new default.
The idea of giving in to it offends me. I do not want to feel defeated by a small part of myself. Thus I challenge myself not to. Win the war one battle at a time. Personify concepts you wish to distance yourself from as the enemy.

Do you want to accomplish more?
Make laziness your enemy.

Do you wish to become more outspoken?
Make silence your enemy.

Do you wish to be kinder?
Make apathy your enemy.

Anger can become a call to action.

Defiance,
I find defiance to be a core part of the human experience. When confronted by a choice, we possess the ability not to acquiesce to circumstance, but to decide upon and pursue an outcome. The fact that I can use the word "choice" to outline a situation is proof of this. We as human beings have the rare capacity to conceptualize outcomes. When given instruction, we do not obey automatically. To this extent I believe it to be a human responsibility to excercize this ability. Society presents numerous situations in which we are motivated fiscally or by civility to not challenge the flow.

"Don't let school get interfere with your education" - Mark Twain,
One of my favorite quotes.
Here at LSU there is a clearly defined audit on what we as students must complete to receive a degree. As we've discussed, the composition of this audit is not a certain recipe for an individual student's success, nor do I believe it at any point should be considered as such. As I have mentioned before; the liberty in choosing my own educational path, to whatever small extent, is my reasoning for concentrating in Theatre studies. Again, this is opposed to a Performance concentration despite my every intention of continuing as a performer. I encourage awareness of this dichotomy. There are also a great many factors encouraging individuals to follow certain paths. For example, studying Mass Comm over Theatre as it may be a more lucrative post-graduation life.

Oil Prices,
I was at a party recently, where several new best friends/ complete and utter strangers were discussing the recent drop in oil prices. From what I gather, a great number of engineering students are "shitting their pants" and switching majors like flies. Big fuzzy flies, who switch majors frequently, as we all know flies are wont to do.
Part of me can't help but laugh. The image of rats jumping ship jumps to me. Which I realize now is a far better metaphor than yadda yadda like flies. But that's neither here, nor two sentences ago. Many of us in this field have no expectations of wealth. But when the promise of wealth vanishes, how quickly other students find their paths changing. Maybe it's karmic irony. Seekers of wealth at the cost of passion find none, and are left wandering. Whatever. Cheap gas, man. 1.75 a gal? Holy nutballs man.


I encourage individuals to ask what path is best for them.
I encourage people to fight for what is best for them.
I encourage questions and skepticism.
In the face of Iron Wills, I encourage defiance.

Punk rock.
-SpaBelle.